


The weight is coming

by jperalta



Series: One foot out and I know the weight is coming [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blackouts, Disillusion, Dissociation, Gaslighting, Hurt Jake Peralta, Hurt No Comfort, Non-Consensual Groping, Non-Consensual Kissing, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Sexual Assault, Underage Drinking, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:35:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25133242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jperalta/pseuds/jperalta
Summary: Jake has a crush on a boy in his freshman year class who ends up sexually assaulting him.***This could be a standalone story but it mostly was written as the flashback piece for my story "One foot out and I know the weight is coming." Explicit detailing of the lead-up, event, and immediate aftermath of rape. PLEASE do NOT read if you think this will upset you. I debated even publishing it and I feel weird, but feel it's necessary to the main story to understand what Happened. Read the tags and let me know if there are any other tags (no matter how small) you believe should be added. I wanted to post this separately so the people reading the original story have the opportunity to skip it if they want to and so I could really load up on the tags. Take care of yourselves please.
Series: One foot out and I know the weight is coming [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820560
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	The weight is coming

*** [Click here to read the main story which is significantly less depressing.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23005744/chapters/55006216)***

There was a boy in Jake’s freshman year Physics class who Jake couldn’t stop looking at from his seat in the back corner. His name was Connor and he was wearing shorts practically every day of the year, even if it was well below freezing. He claimed it was because he was from Canada, but Jake wasn’t sure if Canadians were immune to frostbite or just too stubborn to admit when they were cold. Nevertheless, he was still somehow beautiful, even though he was an extremely average looking guy at a university filled with beautiful guys. Connor was presumably extroverted and told stupid jokes in class that annoyed the professor and made most people roll their eyes, Jake himself sometimes included. But most of the time Jake thought he was beautiful and dumb, which was for some reason a deadly combination to Jake. He had never crushed this hard on a guy before and while it was sort of anxiety-inducing, finding out he was probably not straight, it still felt exciting. He was in college now, wasn’t this when he was supposed to find himself or whatever?

As it turned out, Jake wasn’t as good at stealing glances (long glances, practically staring) as he thought he was. Towards the end of the semester, after a particularly boring class, Connor cornered Jake in the classroom. They were the only two left, besides the professor.

“Hey,” Connor said casually, as if they had been friends for twenty years. Jake’s heart was in his stomach and his voice was missing in action. Connor clicked out a pen, opened his tattered notebook to a random page and scribbled something on it before ripping it and handing it to Jake, who, still in shock, could hardly make out what was happening exactly. “Come by later tonight. Anytime after 8. I’m having some people over. Shit,” he said looking at his watch. “I gotta run. See ya, Jake.”

Jake was shocked he knew his name, shocked he had invited him over. But being a freshman in college, he thought that maybe he just didn’t know any better. Maybe Connor had some questions about the exam and thought that maybe Jake would be able to help. Jake didn’t think he had made any sort of impression in that class - he mostly stayed quiet except when it took all his courage to ask some questions - but he guessed that he was wrong. And now this cute guy wanted him to come to a party? It all seemed too good to be true.

Jake looked down at the semi-crumpled piece of paper, and saw an address for a dorm just down the hall and around the corner from his own. It was all aligning so perfectly, and Jake let himself fantasize about the two of them getting together, how Jake would maybe finally have someone to be with. His heart swelled as he walked to his next class.

He must have spent hours going back and forth with himself about whether he was going to go to Connor’s that night, but eventually he convinced himself that if he didn’t he’d regret it for the rest of his life - or at least the rest of college. So after having a small anxiety attack and spending way too long deciding what to wear, he headed out into the hall close to 9pm wearing a basic gray shirt and jeans.

When he reached the door with Connor’s name on it, he couldn’t help but notice his name was the only one. Did he not have a roommate? How did some people get that lucky? He didn’t hear any voices inside and he cursed himself for somehow being an hour late yet still the first one there. He was about to turn around and walk back when the door opened, and Connor was standing there, wearing again the basketball shorts with a white tank top. He smiled and Jake tried not to stare at his tan arms.

“Jake! Come in!” He pulled Jake in then closed and locked the door. The first thing Jake noticed was how incredibly hot it was in the room. He eyed an air conditioner hanging out of the window, unplugged. “Doesn’t work,” Connor muttered then shrugged. 

Jake tried to find his voice. “I’m…” He cleared his throat. “Sorry I’m first.”

Connor smiled again. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, playfully punching Jake’s arm. Jake pretended it didn’t hurt. His heart was really starting to beat faster and faster. He regretted coming. He wished he’d asked if his roommate could have come with him. “Want a drink?”

And even though Jake had never really had much to drink before, he was desperate for it, desperate for anything that held even the slightest possibility of making him more comfortable. Connor reached into the mini fridge that was entirely stocked with only alcohol, opened a beer, then poured some liquor Jake couldn’t identify into the can.

“Oh, I don’t really-”

“Relax, it’s not much. This beer’s really cheap.”

When it was put into his hand, Jake chugged it as fast as he could, nearly gagging from the taste but still desperate to be less conscious.

They talked about nothing, about the people in their class, the professor’s strange little quirks, their majors - all very surface level stuff that was clearly just filler until the rest of the people got there. But it was approaching 11pm now and they were still the only two there, and Jake’s vision was getting a bit blurry as he started sweating because of the heat and the alcohol. He wanted to go home. He wanted to get into his shitty bed and just play some video games until he fell asleep. But instead he was here, sweating his ass off, way more drunk than he imagined being.

They had been sitting on opposite sides of the room - Jake on the bed and Connor twirling in his desk chair - when suddenly Connor pushed himself towards Jake. Jake could feel his face getting warmer, his heart beating faster. “So I noticed you staring at me in class,” Connor said with a smile.

Jake looked down at his trembling hands, incredibly embarrassed. He wished he could make up an excuse, say something about how Connor just happened to sit in his line of vision to the board, but they both knew that wasn’t the truth. Before Jake could make a sound, he felt a hand around his shoulder, squeezing him with a warm and clammy hand. 

“It’s okay, I think you’re cute too.” Jake could feel Connor’s breath on his neck and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. None of this was happening as Jake had imagined. It was sweaty, sticky, and gross and they were alone. They weren’t supposed to be alone.

Jake took a shaky breath in. “You didn’t invite anyone else, did you,” he said, more of a statement than a question. “No one’s coming.” He could see Connor smile out of the corner of his eye and it made him twitch. He was about to say he was going to leave, but couldn’t speak because suddenly there was a tongue down his throat as Connor pulled at Jake’s hair, pushing him up against the wall. Jake had hardly kissed anyone before, let alone made out on the bed of some guy he hardly knew. He didn’t want to be a loser. He didn’t want to be a prude or whatever else they called people these days. So he kissed Connor back, but he felt far too overpowered, like he could hardly do anything with Connor’s hands all over him, rubbing Jake's dick over his jeans as if that would do anything. “Wait,” Jake said, finally able to get a word in despite being incredibly out of breath. 

“Enjoying it too much?” Connor said stupidly. He must have known that wasn’t true, must have seen that Jake wasn’t enjoying it, but it didn’t stop him. Connor’s hand came up to Jake’s throat and for a moment Jake thought he was going to die. Looking bad at times he had wished that he had. Jake looked into his eyes and saw nothing.

Connor clawed the shirt off his own back then off Jake’s as well, and Jake felt more embarrassed, wanting to cover up his body and run away. He wasn’t sure how far he’d make it given how blurry his vision was due to the heat, the beer, and the overwhelming fear surrounding every thought he had. He tried to tell himself to relax, tried to tell himself that he wanted this, had wanted it all semester, but he couldn’t get the horrible feeling out of his stomach. 

Connor laughed - just straight up laughed. “God, you’re so skinny.” 

Jake tried not to cry. Connor reached for Jake’s ass and Jake squirmed away. “Stop,” he said softly, but Connor didn’t. He tugged at Jake’s pants some more and Jake could feel them slipping down, his face somehow getting more red. “Connor…” he choked out with difficulty, as Connor’s lips and tongue kept coming at him. Was he not being loud enough? What was he doing wrong? He couldn’t understand it, didn’t get why something he had dreamt about all semester was finally happening and all he wanted to do was disappear. He tried again to tell himself to relax, that if it was going to happen anyway he should at least try to enjoy it, but of course that didn’t work. Then all too quickly Connor pulled Jake’s legs down and flipped him over as he knelt on Jake’s body, pushing his face into the squeaking mattress.

“Relax,” Connor said in his own shaking voice. “Stay still, and it’ll be better.”

He was right, wasn’t he? But he couldn’t possibly relax. It was all happening too fast, too intensely, far too soon. This was further than Jake had ever gone with anyone, and he hated it. He wanted it to stop, but it wasn’t. He couldn’t understand. Just a few hours ago he’d been debating whether or not he should even come here, and now he was pinned down half-naked on this stupid squeaking mattress in a room that must have been over a hundred degrees. 

Jake finally managed to free a corner of his mouth and with all his strength, all his power, said, “Connor, stop it, please!”

Connor froze for a few seconds, his hands over the hem of Jake’s pants, and for a minute Jake thought he had done it right, he had gotten through to him, it would all be over. But then he heard a chuckle and his face was pressed harder into the mattress. “Just relax,” Connor said in a cold and detached voice before pulling Jake’s pants and underwear down to his thighs with one hand. All Jake could do was whimper into the bed.

Then Jake went into shock or something like it, because after he felt something hard shove into his dry ass, he must have blacked out. Either that or it really was as quick as he remembered because the next thing he knew he was being filled with some hot liquid as Connor’s grunts got more frequent and more intense. Jake just lay there, trying to convince himself that this was a dream he’d wake up from. He focused on the squeak of the mattress and counted until it was over. But even after Connor had moved back to his chair, Jake could swear he still felt hands on his body, on his neck, and he was paralyzed.

Connor laughed again and tapped Jake with his foot. “Jake, stop fucking around, get up.”

His voice was coming through but Jake could hardly see except for the stars spinning in his head. He thought he had sat up but he couldn’t be too sure. Something hit him in the face then he flinched and looked down: his shirt. He held it in his hands and stared at it as if he didn’t understand how it got there, how he himself had gotten there. There was a ringing sound coming from somewhere, unless it was just in his head. 

He had failed. It had happened and it was all his fault because he hadn’t said the right things.

He felt hands on his body again and almost passed out. “Jake, you gotta leave, I gotta call someone.” Connor had pulled him up so Jake was now standing near the door, still holding his shirt, tears coming to his eyes as he heard people talk out in the hall. It blew his mind to think he was only a door away from other people. “Dude, was that your first time? Why are you crying?” Connor said. 

Jake squeezed his shirt tighter, pressed his arms against his chest. He felt so horribly empty. His lips were twitching as tears fell and after a few moments all he could think to say was, “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure why he said that. Was he sorry that it happened? Was it all his fault? Was he sorry he couldn’t just relax? His brain was spinning far too fast as Connor mumbled something Jake couldn’t hear before he was pushed out into the cold white hallway, his shirt lying in the palms of his hands like a peace offering as he looked towards the closed door. 

Then he could feel eyes on him - a thousand pairs of eyes and he sprinted to his room, and before reaching it, looked back and saw no one. It was a dream, right? This all felt too bizarre. But his ass was throbbing and he was still half-naked when he finally managed to stop shaking enough to unlock his door, run in then lock it again. He pressed his back to the door and slid down, shaking and shocked, onto the floor. He saw his room, his and his roommate’s things all looking exactly the same as before, yet it felt wrong. How could this space of peace even exist now? His stomach dropped again and he crawled on hands and knees towards the small bathroom he was lucky enough to get as a freshman. _Lucky._

He puked everything out of his system and then some, curling up on the cold tile floor as he continued sweating and started sobbing. “I’m going to wake up,” he whispered to himself. “It’s all a dream.” But everything stayed the same and he couldn’t sleep later either, even once he moved to his bed, because every time he’d start to drift away he’d feel hands on his skin and thrash back to being fully horribly conscious. He turned the temperature in their room down as far as it would go (“you’re lucky to have central air in your first dorm,” his mother had said, “you’re going to have a lucky year, I can feel it”) . But he still couldn’t stop sweating, even after two freezing showers where he let himself cry harder because the water was so loud. The drops had felt like small fingers all over him and he all but fainted.

After gasping awake again, he saw his roommate, Tommy, standing over his bed and Jake screamed.

“Jesus, dude, I just wanted to ask why it feels it’s like 40 degrees in here.”

Jake pulled the blankets around himself. He was finally starting to feel cold. The time on the clock said 4:30am. “I…” his throat was sore from crying. “I guess it was an accident,” he lied, and felt Tom look him over.

“It's cool, I just got home. Is it okay if I put it back to normal?”

Normal, normal, what was normal? Jake couldn’t remember.

“Jake?”

He twitched. “Huh?”’ 

“You okay, man?”

He was absolutely not okay, and he didn’t know if he ever really would be, but he and Tommy were really just roommates, not so much friends, and Jake didn’t want to burden him with it. Didn’t want to spew all this trash out into the room when the sun was starting to rise. 

“Yeah,” Jake muttered.

“Alright, well I’m gonna sleep now. Let me know if you need me or want to talk or whatever.”

Tommy got into bed and fell asleep instantly, and knowing he wasn’t alone in the room anymore, that Tommy said he was there for him, he finally found himself drifting into a light but steady sleep.


End file.
